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Monday, January 19, 2009

Self Checks and Ego Trippin'

In the past two months there has been a strong message following me around and no matter what I do I cannot escape the truth if it. In recent conflicts, conversations and healing sessions the issue of self-checking has been prominently displayed. By self-check I don't mean a cursory glance in the mirror to make sure the face and clothes are right, but a deeply engaged and involved conversation with self to see what's going on and what needs work.

I have said it many times before and will probably say it again: "I will not apologize for who I am." I have also said in the same context that I do recognize when I need to make changes. Well, changes are coming and these will initially feel drastic, but it is quite clear that they (the changes) are necessary. In doing my own self-check I realize that I have become lazy and take a great deal for granted, one of which is that I am on the same page with the people in my life and that the long-term goals that I have, mirror those around me. Simply put, I thought I was on a shared journey.

In looking forward, I see that much of what I have tried to accomplish in group work, was not in vain. It is good to work collectively because it lessens the burdens, but as with any relationship, sometimes people need to go their own way. In moments of reflection, I realized that it's possible to be a lone traveler in a shared journey. The key is taking responsibility and that doesn't happen without honest self evaluation.

Self-checks have also led to the discovery that I have been ego trippin', but in reverse. Ego as I see it isn't a bad thing, it just needs to know when to speak up and when to sit down. I think I reduced mine a little too much for the sake of others and in the end there was still conflict. The ego is a powerful and necessary thing, but if left unchecked it can either swell to unmanageable proportions or be reduced to a whisper. In either case, the results are not good. I spent all of 2007 being aware of ego and self -checking on the spot, it changed how I dealt with everything in my life. I found that it was really hard to take unwarranted criticism seriously or be harmed by someone else's negligence. On the other hand, I was able to better hear valid critiques and recognize my faults in a very clear and objective manner. Another great thing about self-checks is that you learn to accept things about yourself that you may have felt bad about in the past or underestimated.

My goal is balance and that takes work. My goal is also to be successful in various ways and that also takes work. I cannot expect as my mother would say, "everyone to be like me", but I can be the best me possible. In checking in, I am better able to navigate the conflict that ultimately is part of a living a human existence and discern when needed changes are internal or external. It doesn't mean that I always have a handle on things, but by checking in on consistent basis, I have seen my growth and I am quite proud of what I have accomplished so far. My horoscope today said it best, "Those who matter will see the true you." I couldn't agree more with that statement.

IA

Saturday, January 17, 2009

This Week on Sophies' Parlor


Ahhhhh... It is the Art Therapy Show. We will have healing songs, thoughts and ideas. Also, we will have a special guest join us in the Parlor. Sophie loves visitors and this week Sharon Burton is coming to sit a spell.
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Sharon J. Burton is a DC area art dealer, artist and independent curator. She is the Founder and Creative Director of Authentic Contemporary Art (formerly Authentic Art Consulting), a visual arts and curatorial company based in the Metro Washington, DC area.

Authentic Contemporary Art (ACA) was founded in 2005 and now serves as an alternative source for emerging and contemporary artists.
The company provides emerging contemporary artists a unique opportunity to show their work in alternative site exhibitions and through a juried online art gallery.

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Join Kimberly C. Gaines the diva in Sophies' Parlor this week on WPFW 89.3 FM from 1-3pm for the Art Therapy show!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

This is a Rant...Keeping It Real

Really, these financial services firms are SHAMEFUL...and just plain get on my last nerve.



Situation 1:

Back in December, all was going well but the cash flow was a little off due to the holidays and people just taking their sweet old time. My mortgage payment is due on the first, but I have until the 15th to pay with no late fee. Great. I finally receive funds and I deposit the check thinking that all is well, and the payment will make it on time. Keep in mind this is a pretty much guaranteed check and the funds could have been debited from the payor pretty quickly. So I look online the next day and see that they have placed a 5 day hold on the funds. Problem is, the funds will be released AFTER the 15th. I promptly call Thieving Ass Bank and tell them what the issue is, and ask them if they can release the funds. After a lot of back and forth the answer is NO. Well ok, if you can't release the funds, the payment will be late...simple as that. I can't pull the money out of my ass, you see the funds are deposited into the account, what more do you want?( Ya'll are not stressing me out, making me add medical bills on top of triflin amount student loan debt I have.) Payment gets made a few days late, I get them to forgive the late fee and all is well right? Wrong...now I continuously get calls for Thieving Ass Bank inquiring about my next months payment.

I definitely take responsibility for my part...and OK, I understand the whole "make sure they get their money" but I'm saying... does my 3 years of on time payment and 700+ credit score not speak for itself? Have you ever not got your money from me?

Situation 2:
I check the credit cards and notice that CC#1 has more than doubled my rate: from 6.9 to 14.4%, & CC2 (had a zero balance) reduced my limit from thousands of dollars to $300. Yes, I use my cards, (admittedly, the have been used a lot as of late) but they get paid on time (if not early) every month. I have been a card member for more than 10 years. Really...whats the deal?

This is quite frustrating. As a regular person....I can now understand and fully appreciate why people tend to say "F**K IT" and not be bothered...claim bankruptcy and start over in 7-10 years...and often a lot sooner than that. Its almost as if you are damned if you do and damned if you don't.

As a financial coach, I am keeping my wits about me and retooling the financial freedom game plan so that I can free myself from this unchained slavery called debt.

It seems quite odd that I would go through a situation like this, but it just goes to show you that:
(1) I am human

(2) As a small business owner, I am not immune from cashflow issues.

(3) These institutions are fair weather friends, have issues and I shouldn't take any of this personally. You are their friend when your money is right. When things get tight...forget it...save yourself. I understand the reasoning behind their actions...but dude...seriously. Besides, who are they to judge, they are the ones going bankrupt, not me.

(4) I need to stay EVEN MORE on top of my spending plan and keep a watchful eye on cash flow and dates. I also need to take my own advice and rethink my relationships with these shameful financial institutions. I think I need to explore working with local banks where I can build local relationships and be treated with the respect I deserve as a client. "I want to go where everybody knows my name" (c) Cheers!

It use to be that folks who were not responsible with their funds, felt the brunt of the financial smack down...BUT as a result of the current financial issues, slower economy and the tightening of the credit markets, folks who had good credit, good cash flow and a decent amount of cash, are now facing the same financial smack down.

I ask you Mr. Greedy Ass Bank. WHY do you think that DOUBLING an interest rate is going to HELP someone pay their bill any easier? What kind of FOOLISH reasoning is that? So that you can spend more money, paying people to chase down debtors and eventually charge the debt off? No wonder your company is in bankruptcy you big dummy. That line of reasoning makes NO SENSE. If you ...big greedy ass bank...think that I am having "issues"....why not cut me a break....like the break that you got from the federal govt? Pass that helping hand around.

Does loyalty and stellar payment history count for nothing? In these times no, but maybe...just maybe, if I damn my financial record to high hell, someone will come and bail me out too. Word.

Of course, I am not going to do that, but again, it just lights a fire under my tail to get my financial action plan in full gear. It also reminds me that this is what I signed up for when I agreed to leave my well paying job to become an entrepreneur.

AND CCB, I am warning you now, if I get one more "courtesy call" me asking about my payment (which already was submitted)....they will get the WHAT FOR.

Rant Done...Going to Rework my Game Plan

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A New Year???



Wow, each calendar year that goes by really offers perspective on just what I have learned. This new year's cusp there was no rush for me to find things to do (cause there were events in spades and I had to turn things down). I had no mad dash about outfits (cause I put on a sweater, pants and of all things, sneakers). Even nearing the midnight hour, I just calmly decided to wait to leave one event for the next.

What did hit me is that I now see the new year in a more lunar way. I told myself about three years ago I wanted to begin aligning myself with the moon, nature and cycles, well, seems like I am more at that place than I realized and it is just nice to see that I am comfortable with my own commemorations of life.

So as I await the lunar new year (in February), I say to everyone, be bold, be blessed, and be willing to do what you need to in this new calendar year.

Drea

Friday, January 2, 2009


December 31 ~
I have been reading everyone's Year in Review, Recap, Wrap up, Wind down and whatever else it has been called and realized that a lot has happened this year. I can not call it the worst year of my life... I think 2007 from a more personal and emotional stand point was hella rough. But there were some actual positive things that occurred in 2008. Earlier in the day I was prone to random wet face moments as I sat and reflected on the fact this this year is over. It is not that I am sad to see it go but more like wow that was some shit. Kinda like having your head in a vice for hours and then the person who put it there takes it off and just leaves like nothing happen.

Today was odd. I over slept. The wind was talking but I haven't figured out that language yet. When I got on the train it was dry as a bone. When I got off at my destination it was like some one poured a bucket of water on everything. Apparently there was a mini blizzard/hurricane that took place all as I was underground traveling. Evidence that 2008 is being cleansed away. With the wind in full force and the kooky weather that is nothing but a purge of the old to bring in the new. I have been rather melancholy over the past coupla weeks. I was really trying to figure out why I was so glum and emotional about the New Year.

I elected to stay home tonight. Not really in a party party mood. There are 5 minutes left in this year (apparently 6 they said something about a leap minute). Happy New Year!
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So I stayed home and made some greens and blackeyed peas.




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January 2~
While the other AZA honies (DC term) are fasting I have decided to fast starting on Monday. Fasting last year was so difficult for me. I was uber reluctant and I couldn't figure out why. Hopefully fasting this year will provide those answers. When my head was a whirl and I was sitting on the train platform this week with tears in my eyes thinking they would soon be icicles stuck to my cheeks, I gave a friend a call to ask if he would pull some cards for me. He graciously obliged though he was at work. I asked
What is the overall theme for 09 and why am I so emotional over the end of this year?

When you are in your little bubble, you don't think about the goings on of other folks like you should. He told me a lot of folks are emotional '08 wasn't the best year ever. But he also pulled the Empress in Reverse which kind of held me in shock a bit. Ok... that is my card my archetype what is she doing showing up in reverse that can't be good. He did a past, present and hidden influences pull. He interpreted it as meaning I haven't been following my intuition. Damn... there are to many balls to juggle I must have dropped intuition somewhere accidentally. If it isn't following my destiny, living my truth or being honest with myself it is the intuition. How am I supposed to keep up? I think I may have found it over there in the corner by the mirror now the goal is to pick it back up and figure out the reimplementation it back into the rotation. Here is the clincher... with out dropping any of the other balls.

So I am revamping things. Spending more time with me, rearranging my altar and my altar time, allotting for vacation time because I realize that is important to me. On the business side of things new business policies... new ways of attracting clientele and new marketing schemes. The word of 2009 is Change. Some folks are not going to like it. Hell, I may not like it myself at times. But I am putting in the work to change the outcomes I have been getting. Pay attention it is a new dawn which equals a new day.

This blog entry was 3 days in the making please excuse any disjointedness (it is a word now)

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Do you know where you are going? - Happy New Year Reflection


I always love to hear Diana Ross - Do You Know Where You're Going To? It is a song that I play over and over in my mind as I move forward in my life. Do I really know what I am doing or where I want to go in this world? The reality is that my plans consistently change. When I look in the mirror I still see Carla but each day, each week, each month, and each year my life has transformed beyond the plan. The plans are just the idea but the ultimate vision in my life is something that I do not fully have control over. The universe is more and more active in my actions. Just being able to admit that brings a *smile* to my face.

I have always wanted to be in control. Direct the scenes as I thought I was suppose to do. I can't control life.

Do I know where I am going to?

Nothing specific but where ever I am going it is a loving and peaceful space. It is a place where I am living in my passion to help others, spread love, write and see the gems of the world.

Do You Know Where You Are Going To? I would love to hear it.

Peace & Blessings
Carla
AkA
Precious