Slipped?

"I have acted out my life in stages..." and at each stage gathered another trait that makes my character more robust, tangible yet tough and strong. I am more prone to express my distaste for wrong doings to myself than I was ever before. It is a form of demanding respect. Those teachers, who started everyone out with an "A" and your work and deeds in class would determine whether you kept that grade or not, were my favorite... that is how I view life. You have my respect as a human but your actions and your words will determine whether or not you keep it. I live up to the sign of Virgo, I am a generous, caring and loyal person, sometimes to a fault but there are certainly ways to lose my favor.

While doing my hair for this evening I had time to reflect about life. Funny how the most mundane things lead way to revelations. I have come along way from the young girl born in Camden, NJ. It has been a transformation and growth that I could not possibly have traded for the world. But sitting in the mirror today I had to stop and ask the question:

Have I slipped back into old habits?

You know sometimes these things just pop out of the blue. Sometimes events lead you to these ponderings. I would say today was a mixture of both. I think the question of old habits came up because recently I have been feeling like I have been taken advantage of and that I was allowing it to happen. One AZA member said to me some time ago that she learns collectively from the mistakes of all of us. I didn't get it. How could my pain or f - up help you learn a lesson if you didn't do it yourself? I know I am one to recognize mistakes whether it be my own or those of others. I recognize others mistakes quicker, unfortunately, than I recognize my own. I can be a little slow on that one. Plus like my grandmother I can be really nosy.

So I wonder if my old habits are dying easier than they once would have. I have a three strike and you are out rule. I have had it since about 1997 though I don't normally tell people that. I figure if it works for sports and the state of California(not really) then it is alright for me. I got tired of getting hurt by people I "let in" but figured the "nice" thing to do was to give them a chance to do better. But almost always they used up the three strikes and the hurt that it took to either cut them off or pick up the pieces of me propelled me to another level of grown-upitness (it is a word now). I still have a ways to go but in this life you live and you learn but it is important that you learn. Recognizing and questioning whether I have "slipped back into old habits" is a sign that I have learned something that is for sure. As for whether I have done so I will need more time to examine that.